1: Pruning
I ask THE UNIVERSE FOR SIGNS, TOTEMS OF ClARITY, AND TODAY, THIS NUGGET OF DEEP INQUIRY SHOWED UP.
Today the sun glistened down on our back porch. This is a magical occurrence and message to us that Spring is here. All Winter the sun’s rays don’t reach us, and it’s dark. The type of darkness that can feel all consuming, if it weren’t for the logs burning in the fire.
This light today shone bright and beckoned me out of this cave, which is our tiny cabin.
There, in a little terra cotta pot stood a little chrysanthemum plant our neighbor gave us a couple years back.
The dark sticks, dead leaves cascading down from it were all you could see from inside the house. Unhealthy, on the tipping point of being dead, ready to be thrown away.
It dawned on me the chrysanthemum is a reflection of my current self image.
I’ve been on sabbatical for two years. My resume is 12 years out of date, thanks to a 10 year stint in one job. My social media followers for my new “business” are 2. The number of coaching clients are so few. My website is still not live (as I write this!). Every angle of my self image, I only see death, not growth. In many ways it appears as if my professional self is dead. The experiences, skillsets, network, all seemingly dormant, or blown away by a Winter’s storm. Being 40 + isn’t helping my state of mind, am I too old to be relevant, impactful? Old growth, that’s me.
It’s time, throw me out with the chrysanthemum.
But wait, underneath the death, signs of life emerge. Gold, orange hues, a mini sunshine all its own breaking through to say hello, to remind me that progress, growth is taking place all along.
Despite it being starved of light for months, receiving no attention, having nothing new to interact with, or feed it, it was actually GROWING! It’s inherent beauty, truth, there all along, just covered up, by what no longer served it.
The chrysanthemum was forcing me to inquire about my own growth.
What have I outgrown?
Where do I need pruning in my life to make space for new growth?
What is growing within me that I've neglected to acknowledge?
Thank you chrysanthemum, for shining through and reminding me I am vibrant and full of life, even if I’m currently overgrown by negative thoughts and paralysis. I’m not ready to be thrown out, I just need some self care.
